As father of the bride, I’d like to welcome to our family Brett. Thea may have told you I’m full of it … advice that is, and I can’t help myself but I’m always giving it to family members… So here is my advice for you and Thea.
Claire and I have lived together for 45 years and during this time, I have found 4 rules of thumb for living an enjoyable and successful life as a couple … Here they are:
First, choose a spouse that’s a nice person…
Everything is a lot easier if you know your partner is not malicious …
Life together is a lot simpler and less ambiguous if you can trust your partner’s motivations.
(All you really need to worry about then, is their incompetence…)
Two, do fun things together, but don’t do everything together as a couple…
Your spouse needs to follow their passion and do interesting & surprising things by themselves …
only then can they grow and bring a new vibrancy back to the union …
The result will be stimulating ideas and interesting conversations together…
(I’m sure that’s one of the reasons you chose your spouse in the first place.)
Three, as a couple, negotiate…
everyone says that … but that doesn’t go far enough.
You need to keep track with a virtual currency…
No, not BitCoin, but rather CoupleCoin.
You accumulate this wealth by doing nice things for your spouse;
But you also can spend it when there is something your spouse wants you to do, … but you don’t feel like doing it.
“Honey, I know it’s my turn to do the dishes, but can I spend some CoupleCoin and finish my book instead?”
With this type of negotiation, you won’t feel guilty refusing; but more importantly, your spouse won’t feel continually taken advantage of, since you only have a limited amount of CoupleCoin to spend.
Of course, you have to be careful to stay out of Chapter 11… or worse bankruptcy!
Another major benefit is that it helps you understand your spouse’s emotional attachment to something you are negotiating … and that will make it easier to negotiate a win-win solution for both of you.
Finally, and most importantly; “Don’t follow advice and conventions blindly” …
Conventions are rules of thumb, with a very small thumb.
Spend time and energy to think it through for yourselves; your personal situation often has strong mitigating factors that need to be taken into account …
You both will be a lot happier if you tailor your own solutions… and create your own paths.
And there you have it: …
in short;
- Find someone nice
- Do things together, and enjoy doing things apart
- Negotiate, but keep track
- And don’t follow advice blindly… even mine.
So Thea & Brett;
Your now “good to go” for the next 50 years…
Good Luck and Good Journey.
Good advices Ted. I agree.