“Do you think I look like a man of the people now my dear?” The Count of the Palatine asked a little nervously.
“Oh yes, dear husband. I have it on good authority that this is exactly how the peasants travel.” His wife cooed.
“I really don’t know why I need to court the peasants and rabble. They seem quite tame. I tax them, and they pay. I tell them what to do, and they do it. There is no one to challenge me.”
“Oh husband, that’s what King Louis XVI of France said to Marie Antoinette, and look what happened to them. My perfect neck is quite attached to my head, and I want to keep it that way.”
“You are quite right to be proud of your beautiful neck, wife; and I must say you also show off your cleavage most exquisitely. But before we ride out among the people, I think we need to practice a bit; we need to affect a regal air. A tour around our exquisite gardens here at our summer palace would be ideal.”
“If you insist husband, but I don’t see the problem. The gamekeeper said this old sow is quite gentle, almost lethargic; just like his Missus. You have ridden horses before, husband, how do you get this sow to go?”
“I’ll smack it on its rump, dear wife and we will be off. Ow… I don’t think she felt that, but my hand certainly did. Her hide is so thick.”
“Maybe, husband, you need to kick her in the belly with your heels.”
“Yes of course… and we are off… She is quite smooth to ride. With her short legs, she doesn’t bounce up and down very much. I can see why the peasants would do this.”
“Husband, she doesn’t respond to my commands with the reins. She seems to have a mind of her own.”
“Just like you sweet wife. Try pulling the reins hard to the right and get her to go to that Lilly pond. Oh yes, excellent.
You should stop her now dear wife, pull back on the reins… Stop her dear wife…. Stop her!!!”
“Ackkk…. Husband, I am all wet and have mud on my face and everywhere!”
“Oh wife, let the pig wallow in the mud now; your slapping can’t get its attention. Take my hand and let me help you up out of that mud hole.”
“Husband, why do you keep such unkempt creatures; the only thing that sow is good for is a roasting spit… “
“You do look a real mess, dear wife.”
“Don’t laugh husband, I have murder in my eyes. That’s the last time I will listen to the French Ambassador for advice. The French should be punished for this!”
“When did you talk to the Ambassador of the French Republic dear wife?”
“At the Prussian King’s costume ball, dear husband. He wore a French Court Jester’s costume.”
“Darling wife, truly, he wasn’t the ambassador, he was the King’s own jester.”
Author’s Note: This story has nothing to do with reality but was inspired by the sculpture, Glücksschwein, by Peter Lenk, which was erected in 2016 outside of the summer palace of the Count of the Palatine in Schwetzingen Germany. Lenk refers to a quotation from the Prussian King Frederick II, who once described the Elector as a lucky pig. Below are some references.