Ted's Adventures

I’ve been standing here at the corner of this old, frontier town since it was built. The town’s people here call me an old, prickly, cantankerous, town fixture and give me a wide berth. And they’re right, I have been here a long time. I was here when Billy the Kid rode through chased by that marshal that finally got him.

I‘ve seen a lot, and I could tell you a lot of old stories. But I don’t feel like it, and you probably wouldn’t believe me anyhow.

People think I’m old, but I’m really not, I just grow slowly and methodically. In fact, I’m just a teenager; and like teenagers everywhere, I follow fashion and try to create my own sense of style. I don’t look like all the other cacti. I look cool.

What do you think of my shades?

I nicked them off a passerby who had his head down in his cell phone. He wanted them back, but he wasn’t tough or mean enough to take me on… Especially when I yelled, “The only way you’ll get these back is to rip them off my cold, dead eyes.”

Life has not been kind to me, so I got to be kind to myself. These shades are a good start. But to round out my tough guy image, I really need to get a hat and cell phone. I’m just itching for a chance to mug some unsuspecting fool in the middle of texting.

By the way, my name is Lee… Prick Lee.

Yeah, you’re probably thinking “Why would a father call his son ‘Prick’.” Well, I had the same question. Then one day the building next door fell down, and there he was. So, I asked my dad. He looked over at me and said “Son, the town was just going up when you were born, and I knew I couldn’t be around to help you when times got tough. So, I did the only thing I knew to help you survive. I gave you a name that would make you tough.”

Yeah, I guess that made sense. His father named him, ‘Sue’.

Author’s Note: Thanks to Matt from Shut Up and Write for the picture; and also, thanks to Johnny Cash for the song, ‘A Boy Named Sue’.