“Piss off Sam,” yelled Bill above the blaring music, “Let me enjoy the parade. It’s Raining Men, is my favourite song; and these guys are dancing to it beautifully.”
“No, listen Bill,” Sam replied earnestly, “I’m serious. If Imams can authorize more than one wife, why can’t they authorize more than one husband?”
“Oh, don’t go there Sam, your treading on religious quicksand. It’ll never fly. But let me ask you though, why would you want more than one husband? Isn’t one enough?
Husbands, more often than not, get in the way, do little around the house, and contribute even less to your happiness. Worse still, husbands are territorial. You get more than one together at a time, and you’ll have a bloody mess on your hands.
My advice is, if you need more love, get a dog, or adopt a refugee family. One at a time… that’s my motto.”
Sam was silent, looking unconvinced, so Bill continued.
“Besides, if you take more than your share, what will the rest of us do?
You probably didn’t know it Sam, but I’m looking for a husband too. I know you and I don’t have the same tastes in men, but there are only a limited number of acceptable specimens around. You won’t make any friends by being a greedy bitch.
It may not have crossed your mind, but I need love too, and not just the physical type. I need the comfort of someone in my corner, and in my bed when I have cold feet.
A good friend once told me, ‘love is never guaranteed unless you are delusional. So once you find it, you need to make it grow. You need to nurture it and fertilize it.’ And no, I don’t mean you feed it crap.”
Sam looked chastised by Bill’s rant, so to soften the blow, he said tenderly:
“If you need more than one man in your life, you may consider me. You may consider letting me be a bigger part of your life… after all Samantha, I am your brother.”
Brothers and sisters we are…