“Where’s my supper?!!!” the Ogoh Ogoh yelled while picking up the dining pavilion and threatening to smash it on the diminutive restaurant owner.
“Hold on big guy,” the restaurateur said trying to calm him. “The food is coming; the food is coming. It is the eve of Nyepi, you must be patient. We don’t often get people of your type here for supper, so we’re having trouble getting the ingredients that will satisfy your peculiar taste buds.
I know you have a reputation for liking exotic food; food with a certain crunch, food with a specific texture, food that juices out of your mouth when you bite into it, and that’s exactly what we will provide.”
“Grrr” the Ogoh Ogoh growled menacingly.
“I understand you like your food to be totally raw,” the restauranteur continued, “completely organic, totally virgin, but we don’t normally stock your kind of food. We typically serve roast suckling pig, leg of lamb or curried chicken.”
The restaurateur, holding up his arms in a protective stance, continued “But don’t worry, don’t worry. I sent my chef to a neighbouring village to find the exact ingredients for a feast of your liking.”
“Grrr” the Ogoh Ogoh growled again, “you know your life will be worthless if I am not satisfied! And it will not only be you, but your whole family as well.”
“Don’t worry most esteemed Ogoh Ogoh,” the restauranteur grovelled, “I see my chef coming now. He has some pretty young women carrying offerings in baskets on their heads. I am sure this will satisfy your cravings.”
“I’m so hungry…no need to remove the wrappings…” the Ogoh Ogoh started.
But the restauranteur jumped in before he could finish, “Patience most esteemed one. Let my chef make a beautiful presentation of the food. Let him unwrap it, naked food is so much more flavorful.”
“Yes, I suppose you are right, but ensure it is young, tender and juicy,” the Ogoh Ogoh snarled.
“Don’t worry,” the restauranteur placated, “I am sure this will be the best kale and tofu salad, a vegan like you has ever tasted.”
Author’s Note: The Balinese New Year celebration is called Nyepi: a day of silence, fasting, and meditation. On that day, everything closes down, including the airport and the internet. Everyone stays home, tourists must stay in their hotels. On Nyepi’s Eve however, the Balinese celebrate the Ngrupuk, also known as the ‘Ogoh Ogoh’ Parade. During the month or two before Nyepi, young people create huge Ogoh Ogohs, which are wire and paper mache demons and monsters. Then on Nyepi’s Eve they parade them around. The Balinese traditionally believe all the bad spirits will migrate into these craft works, and then will be banished when they are burned at the end of the parade.