Ted's Adventures

I was coming home from the grocery store yesterday and was startled to see this short little man waiting at my door. He was well dressed in a fedora, plaid scarf, and white shirt. My first thought was that he was a Mormon, wanting to tell me the ‘good news’. But then, I noticed that he wasn’t wearing a Covid mask, and though we were outside, I was taken aback. Keeping double the safe distance, I introduced myself and asked him what he wanted.

He smiled. “I am here to make a donation.”

“A donation to what?” I countered.

He let out an exasperated sigh, as young people do when trying to deal with older adults who don’t understand the lingo or the latest craze.

Then, concentrating on bridging the generation gap, he said, “You have grandchildren, right?” Hoping that would spark some realization.

“Yeah…” I responded, not seeing the light.

“Hmmm, what would kids want the most… not now, of course, because they are Covid isolating, but after when you’ve had your vaccination?”

“School, I guess,” I replied.

I could see by his patronizing smile and rolled eyes that he thought I was in my dotage.

“No, no. After, when school is out.”

“I doubt that school will ever be out this year. Even after we get the vaccine and have Covid pretty much wrestled in submission, I think the kids will have to go to school for most of the summer to catch up.”

“I can see why they asked me to come. But making this donation is going to be difficult without your help. Maybe you can invite me in, and I can do it myself.”

“Come in?” I echoed incredulously.

 “You live alone and are allowed a visitor, aren’t you?” he replied, “and I have this scarf I’ll wrap around my mouth that will act as a mask. Of course, you don’t have anything to worry about; I don’t have Covid.”

“Wait a minute, wait a minute, I don’t understand, and these groceries are getting heavy, and my lettuce is beginning to freeze.”

“Okay, go ahead and put your things away. I’ll wait here till you get back. I really need to make this donation before it’s too late, and I will need your help since arms are pretty thin.”

I held my breath to ensure I didn’t breathe any Covid and quickly unlocked the door. I was in my house in a flash. Safe!

Like I do with other unpleasant things, I just ignored the snowman, and for the rest of the day, went about my business inside my comfy little house.

Then after supper, I watched TV but was bored; nothing new was on. I hadn’t done anything interesting lately, so my Covid-curiosity took me to the front door. I opened it and stuck my head out.

“You’re still here?”

“I’m not going anywhere till I’ve made my donation.”

“Okay, what are you donating?” I asked, dripping with sarcasm, “I don’t see anything you could donate.”

“I’ll bet you will donate someday when you die. Myself, I am now donating my heart and kidneys.”

“Huh?” “This summer, your grandkids will be out of school, Covid will be wrestled into submission, and it’ll be hot. They’ll be dying to have a snowball fight, and they will thank you when they find my donations in your freezer.”